A woman's husband had been slipping
in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed
by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to,
he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he
whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been
with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you
were there to support me. When my business failed, you were
there. When I got shot,you were by my side. When we lost the
house, you stayed right here. When my health started
failing, you were still by my side... You know
"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her
heart began to fill with warmth.
"You're bad luck, why
don't you just fuck off!
Two deaf people get
married. During the first week of marriage, they find that
they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the
lights out, since they can't see each other signing, or lips
to lip-read. After several nights of fumbling around and
many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a
"Honey, why don't we agree on some simple
signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex
with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast once. If you
don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right
breast twice". The husband thinks this is a great idea. He
suggests to his wife if she wants to have sex with him,
"reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want
to have sex, pull on my penis two hundred and fifty
A man and woman are seated next to each
other in First Class on a plane. The woman sneezes, and then
takes a tissue and gently wipes up under her skirt between
The man isn't sure he actually saw what he saw
and decides he is hallucinating. A few minutes pass. The
woman sneezes again, takes a tissue, and gently wipes
between her legs. The man is about to go nuts, he can't
believe what he is seeing.
A few more minutes pass. When
the woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue and gently
wipes it between her legs yet again.
The man has finally
had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says,
"Three times you have sneezed, and three times you've taken
a tissue and wiped it between your legs. What kind of
signals are you sending me, or are you just trying to drive
The woman replies, "I am sorry to have
disturbed you, sir. I have a rare medical condition, such
that when I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, now
feeling guilty, says, "Oh, I'm sorry. What are you taking
The woman looks at him and says
A man goes to
the doctor and says, "I've got this sex problem, Doc. You've
got to help me."
"Well," says the quack, "tell me about
your average day."
"Well it all starts in the middle of
the night. My wife always wakes me up at about 3am and again
at about 5am for nookie. Later, we can spend a couple of
hours making love before I go to work!"
"Oh I see," says
"No, hang on," says the young man "you see, when
I get on the train to work I meet this girl every day, we
get a compartment to ourselves and have sex all the way
"Oh... now I see," says the quack.
don't," says our hero. "When I get to work my secretary
really fancies me and I have to give her one in the
"Oh.... now I see," says the quack.
no, no," says the randy old bugger. "When I go to lunch I
meet this dinner lady I'm very fond of, and we nip out the
back for a quickie."
"Now I understand," says the
extremely patient doctor.
"No, hang on," says the man.
"When I get back to work in the afternoon my boss - a very
demanding lady I might add - has to have me or she says
she'll give me the sack!"
"Ahh...." says the doctor, "now
"No, there's more," says our man, almost in
tears." When I get home my wife is so pleased to see me she
gives me a blow job before dinner and then we have sex
By now, the exasperated doctor is beginning
to lose his cool, "So just what is your
"Well..." says our hero...... "It hurts when I